Osbourne Cox, a disgruntled CIA analyst, quits his job at the agency after being demoted, ostensibly due to a drinking problem. He decides to write a tell-all memoir about his time in the intelligence community. His wife, Katie, is seeking a divorce and copies many of his personal files onto a CD. The CD ends up at Hardbodies, a local gym where it's found by two employees, Linda Litzke and Chad Feldheimer. Hoping to leverage the found material for profit, they conclude that the contents are sensitive government information and decide to attempt blackmail.

Linda, who is dissatisfied with her life and obsessed with financing a series of cosmetic surgeries, sees this as an opportunity to fund her transformation. She ropes in Chad, a dim-witted but enthusiastic gym employee, to help her with the scheme. Unbeknownst to them, the information on the CD is largely of Cox's personal musings and of little to no value to anyone else. Meanwhile, Katie is engaging in an affair with Harry Pfarrer, a married federal marshal with a penchant for womanizing and a hobby of building sex apparatuses. As Linda and Chad blunder through their unprofessional and misguided criminal attempt, the paths of the various characters begin to cross, entangling their lives in unexpected and convoluted ways.